Personal "Poem"

Yesterday in Pastoral Formation we talked about forgiveness; how it is one of the requirements of being a part of the Christian community. We talked about different ways of expressing our pains, of going about giving/receiving forgiveness. It made me think of a piece I wrote- I actually thought it was older than it is, but oh well. I don't know if it counts as poetry or if it's just a letter of sorts. I think I am hoping that by putting up here, it will help me to move on. I don't know. But here it is.

9.24.2009

To All the Men That Have Hurt Me-
I f*cking hate you.
There, I said it.
I hate you.
You all took things from me you had no right to take.
It was not your right,it was not your choice to make.
It was mine.
And you took that away from me.
You left me broken and afraid, unable to trust.
You left me full of doubts.
You left me with small pieces of me that I won't ever get back.
And I hate you for that.
I am afraid when men make sexual advances.
I shut down when I should burn with passion.
I don't trust people's intentions.
I don't trust myself.
But I can't hate you forever.
Eventually I have to forgive you.
With God's help, I must forgive you.
But it's not that simple
I fail to see how forgiving you will help me.
And, although I am supposed to love you as a child of God,
I sure as hell don't want to.
I am consumed by memories and fear, so much so that I cannot look at one who resembles you.
So:
names ommitted
and any others that may exist past my memory-

I want my pieces back.

Because I need to be at peace.

All Saint's Sermon

Yes, yes, I know All Saint's Day was weeks ago. I hesitate to even post this still, so much time has gone by, but I've decided to do it anyway.
On November 1 I gave the sermon at the church I am currently serving. Like many pastors, Saturday morning dawned and I did not have a single word on paper. While in the shower, I figured out my sermon outline, intending on writing it as soon as I got finished. However, life got in the way, and it was several hours later before I was able to sit down to write my sermon. By then, all my thoughts had left me, and I was left staring blankly at my computer screen. Taking the advice of a friend, I headed home and back to my place of inspiration: the shower. This was the result:


I think for Christmas I would like those special markers you can get children to play with in the tub...

The final version of my sermon, was, of course, more fleshed out, and not written on my shower wall.

(I was going to post my sermon, but it is rather long...if it would like to read it, let me know, and I will post it).

It's been a while...so here!

Here is something I had to write for a class. We were supposed to select one (or all) of the Ten Commandments and discuss how it describes and relates to the Hebrew people and the formation of their identity as a people at the time, as well show a connection to the New Testament. In very few words. Mine is a little longer than it should have been, and I may not have completely followed the instructions (which were NOT very clear- not as clear as I just articulated them here), but here it is.

The Seventh and Tenth Commandments
These two commandments reinforce the ongoing male-dominated, patriarchal system that has been presented thus far in the texts. The command to not commit adultery does not initially appear gender-biased until one looks more closely at the tenth commandment.

The tenth commandment states that “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” (Ex 20:17) This command appears to only apply to free men; men wealthy enough to possess property. Wives are grouped along with all other goods and property, without rights.

According to the commentary in the Harper Collins Study Bible, polygamy was still a common practice. Adultery was defined as “intercourse between a married woman and any man but her husband.” (p.118) Considering women were property, the act of adultery would have been an attack on the woman’s husband. Sleeping with a man’s wife would have been comparable to stealing a man’s ox. It is a matter of property laws, not necessarily marriage fidelity. While it permisable for a married man to have sex with multiple women, provided they are his wives or single women, it is not permisable for a man to have sex with another man’s wife.

While the initial command to “not commit adultery” (Ex 20:14) is directed at men, their female counterparts are often heavily punished. Both Leviticus and Deuteronomy prescribe the “proper” punishment for those who commit adultery; death. “If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, both the adulterer and the adulteres shall be put to death.” (Lev 20:10) and “If a man is caught lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die, the man who lay with the woman as well as the woman.” (Deut 22:22) The book of Numbers describes the steps a man should take if he believes his wife is being unfaithful, none of which include confronting the suspected male adulterer.

In the Gospels Jesus is recorded as taking the definition of adultery one step further, stating that “everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in heart.” (Mat 5:28) Once again, this command is directed only at men. Jesus is also attributed with the statement “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mar 10:11-12) These admonitions lead the reader to the conclusion that, despite the numerous Judaic laws against adultery, it was an on-going problem within society.

Laws are often put into place as a solution to a problem; in the case of Exodus, and even the New Testament, the issue at hand is the lack of respect towards a man’s property. Just as one should not covet another’s land or livestock, they should not look with lust upon another’s wife/wives. These two commandments further embed male domination over women in the culture of Israel.

Source:
The Harper Collins Study Bible. New Revised Standard Version. Wayne Meeks, ed. Harper Collins.

Almost to Reading Week...

Good morning! I am sitting in a dark, empty classroom, listening to Pandora, and waiting for class to start in...wow, I'm earlier than I thought! Class doesn't start for half an hour. Oh well!
Today is Thursday of week 6 in my first semester of theological studies. Next week is the long awaited, coveted blessing that is given to us by the university, aka, reading week. During reading week, there are no classes, and we all get the chance to get caught up and/or get ahead in our reading/papers for the rest of the semester. It is going to be wonderful! A lot of students are going home, but because I have commitments here in Madison, and at school, I will be staying at Drew. Hopefully this will be a wonderfully productive week (crossing fingers!).
This weekend my family is coming up to visit!! Not all of my family, but half of them. Lauren (my sister) is visiting a college in northern Jersey on Monday, so she, my mother, and father will come and stay with me Saturday and Sunday. It will be so good to see them- I wish Sarah could come as well, but she has school on Monday. Boo Baltimore County, not giving students off for Columbus Day! I'm so excited to see them, because I miss my family. ANNNND....they will meet Evan!!
Who is Evan? Evan is my boyfriend. : ) I am so happy- he's a great guy, and he treats me wonderfully. It's so nice to be with someone who shares the same interests as you, respects you, and sincerely likes you. He is such a genuine, kind-hearted person, I already consider myself deeply blessed to have him in my life. For possibly the first time ever, I can be completely honest with my partner (to borrow m friend Shannon's term) about anything and everything. In addition to being intelligent, kind, and musical, he's also an AWESOME cook! I may, for the first time ever, pack on those 15 lbs. people talk about when living at college, lol.
Coming to Drew has been such a wonderful change for me, in soooo many ways. Thanks to God, everyday, for the community I have become a part of.
Here come my classmates! Time for church history...I think we're talking about St. Augustine today, who, as my teacher says, probably should have participated in a "12 step sex" challenged program. LOL.
Blessings!!

Busy Busy Week

As the title clearly states, this is an extremely busy week. Now that classes have been in session a few weeks, all the clubs and organizations are starting back up. I really don't have time to write a full-blown entry, but here's a list of all the things I've gotten myself in to, in addition to classes, working in the Theo. Admissions office, and serving the United Methodist Church in Madison.

Introduction to the New Testament Bible Study- participant and facilitator (held at the church)
Choir- at the church
Spectrum- the LGBTQ (and allies) group within the Theo School
TSA- representative on the University Program Board
Beatitudes Society- www.beatitudessociety.org
reader's theatre performance of a play by a professor in the Theo School

phew!

AND, once TERRA (Transforming Ecological and Religious Resources into Action) begins, I will probably become involved in that.

Alrighty, now off to school for a day full of classes and meetings.

Peace!

Oh Monday...

Good morning, one and all.
Today finds me chilly, tired, and a bit frustrated.
Chilly is easily explained- it is almost autumn, and it is getting much cooler up here, although they are predicting a high of 80 today, so hopefully I will warm up soon. I don't like being cold.
I am tired because I'm a seminary student! I have a lot of work to do today, and hopefully I will get it all done. I did not sleep well all last week, so I pray that this week will be different.
Now, as to why I am frustrated...
There are several reasons. One is that I still do not have hot water. It has been over a week (this is day 9)and while it could be MUCH worse, it is still beginning to get old. However, they are supposed to come and replace the hot water heater and boiler tomorrow, so soon I will be a very happy camper.
Secondly, I am frustrated with men. What else is new, lol. Just, simple things like, make your intentions/desires clear. If you just want to be friends, make that obvious. If you're going to walk a girl home, walk her home. If you say you're going to call tomorrow, make sure you call. Little things like that.
Thirdly...last night was supposed to be the first youth meeting at my new church in my new position. I got icecream and toppings, planned good welcome activities, got my house all cleaned...guess how many showed up.
ZERO
Now, I understand that school just started, and I understand that they have homework and projects (projects? already?) and I understand that fall sports have started...but I am still disappointed. I am trying to remain positive, and to just cheerfully say, "We'll try again next week," but the tired, chilly, frustrated part of me is trying to take it personally. *sigh*

I need to get started on my To-Do list...Biblical Lit. paper, here I come.

First Week Recap

I did it- I survived my first week of theological studies. Yippee!!! It has been a really awesome week. I like all of my classes, and am looking forward to what I will learn from them. Choir is going to be a lot of fun, and Ultimate on Friday was a blast. We had a birthday party for a fellow student Thursday night, attended a gathering on Friday, then I had a few people over Saturday. This morning I wore several hats in church- everyone was on vacation! I was the organist, led the service, and preached. Everything went very well, and it was so nice to look out in the congregation and see the first few pews full of my new Drew friends, there to support me. Thank you guys so much! I am blessed to know them, and it's only been one week! Well, two if you count orientation...
This upcoming week should be good. Labor Day is tomorrow, and we are having a small BBQ over at the theo. dorms. Thursday is my first day working in the theo. admissions office, and then Friday through Saturday is a fall retreat at Ocean Grove. Sunday is the first youth group meeting, so I'll be gearing up for that. Yup, it's going to be a good week.

Peace and blessings to all.

PS: I don't have hot water...thankfully, everyone has been very generous and offered me the use of their showers. Hopefully this won't last long.

New Beginnings

IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, if you can't already tell, I am excited. I love new beginnings, and especially the first day of just about any class. Yesterday I organized my binder and re-read my syllabus (not sure of the plural form), and got some reading assignments done for later this week. I had a meeting with the pastor of the church I am working in, and then baby-sat a new friend's son while she was in class. My house is clean, the rest of my books are currently being shipped, and life really couldn't be better. : )
I have Church History at 9:55 with some of my new friends (yay) and then the precept for that course (a precept is a small study/discussion group you are required to be a part of) later this afternoon. Pray for me, as I begin this new adventure. : )

"This is a day of new beginnings,
time to remember and move on,
time to believe what love is bringing,
laying to rest the pain that's gone.

Then let us, with the Spirit's daring,
step from the past and leave behind
our disappointment, guilt, and grieving,
seeking new paths, and sure to find.

In faith we'll gather round the table
to taste and share what love can do.
This is a day of new beginnings;
our God is making all things new."

-select verses from "This Is a Day of New Beginnings" UMH 383
Text: Brian Wren

Day of New Beginnings...

Orientation starts tomorrow!!!!!

can you tell I'm excited?

I had a wonderful weekend at home in Baltimore where I got to spend a little more time with my family and friends before leaving. I won't be home until mid-October, and only for a weekend. This is a big transition for all of us, but I know with God's help we will all make it through just fine.

I really like Madison, and I am so thankful that I will get to call it "home" for the next three years.

First Seminary Assignment complete!

SO, I just finished my first assignment. YIPPEE!
I am being a church music geek and taking a wonderful class about hymnology. I am so excited!!! : )
Our first assignment was to describe our first experience with hymns, what are our favorite hymns are, and what our denominational background is.
Since it's info about me, I thought I would duplicate it here. (Plus, I haven't posted in a while, and I thought, hey, why not kill two birds with one stone. You might learn something about me).

I was born and raised in a United Methodist Church in Parkville, MD. I always loved singing hymns, and admit I would often flip through the hymnal reading the hymn texts rather than listen to the sermon. Music is one of my stronger talents, so I was very active in the choirs at church since I was young.
During my sophomore year of undergrad I became the organist and choir director at a small rural church, where I once again fell in love with hymns and the rich theology they offer. I also came to greatly dislike most praise and worship music, for both the tunes and text. At first, I considered The Faith We Sing to be the bane of my existence (I did not like the way the hymns were used or selected in worship) but after delving deeper into it I have come to love it. I especially like the hymns that tell stories, such as Two Fishermen and Swiftly Pass the Clouds of Glory. I always enjoy finding a familiar tune set with new text.
Some of my favorite hymns are "Be Thou My Vision" (there are some wonderful choral arrangements out there, or, I have found you can get a very different feel if you simply change a few chords or where the stress of the beat is placed). I once heard this hymn described as a love song to God, and that has always stuck with me.
"Leaning on the Everlasting Arms" is a new favorite, after I learned the difference of white and black Gospel. I find it to be much more uplifting and joyful when stress is placed on the upbeat.
My all time favorite hymn is "When in Our Music God is Glorified" (UMH 68). The text is rich, and the tune beautiful. I always find myself tearing up on the last phrase, "And may God give us faith to sing always Alleluia!"
I am so glad to have found this class. Having majored in church music in undergraduate, I hope this will offer a sense of familiarity that I may not find in other classes.

Summer Recap

Once again, I have failed to blog in a timely manner. On the one hand, I have been extremely busy. But on the other hand, I seem to have spent plenty of time doing nothing. Oh well; musing about my time management skills is not the focus of this entry.
As I mentioned in my last entry, I went on a mission trip with the youth of Hiss United Methodist Church to West Virginia, where we participated in CAMP JOY. We camped at Baltimore-Washington Conference's Camp Harmison, a "rustic" camping facility in Berkeley Springs, WV. When I arrived on Sunday afternoon (after driving for roughly five and half hours from New Jersey) I found twenty youth and adults pitching tents in a meadow at the bottom of a steep, gravel paved road. The meadow brimmed with excitement, as boys tossed footballs, girls hugged and squealed, and family members said good-bye for the week. Two of the youth are boyscouts, and they helped to set up the "girl's tent".



They boys called it, "the Monstrosity". We referred to it as "the hotel".
Each morning we awoke at 5am...well, that's when we were supposed to wake up. Some days it was a bit later. Breakfast was prepared for all the work teams by members of local churches and served between 6 and 7am. We then stopped at Sheetz for coffee on our way out to our work sites.
There were enough workers from Hiss to split into three different work crews, and we worked on a total of five different sites. My crew worked on a home in Berkeley Springs, where an elderly gentleman lived with his daughter who was ill. His great-granddaughters visited the whole week, with their beagle Dallas. While we were there, we tore down a ceiling, re-installed insulation in that ceiling and the walls and ceiling of the adjoining room, then put up sheet-rock for the ceilings and paneling for walls. Two of the adult men on our crew, the two Georges, fixed two rotten floors in the house. We fixed the roof, cleaned the gutters, and in our spare time painted the back wall of the house. The granddaughters helped us, although the youngest one got more paint on herself and Dallas than the wall the first day. : )
Each evening we had dinner at a local church, followed by a vespers service at what the camp called "God's Open Window". There were games and campfires, and everyone felt a great sense of fulfillment at the end of each day.
On Saturday, we loaded up the cars and trekked home, exhausted, but eager to return next year.

Summer Activities

hey y'all! I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer- I know I am!
Just a quick update on what is going on in my life.
Tomorrow I pack up the car and drive up to Madison, NJ to see my new "apartment" and to preach at Madison UMC. For those of you who don't know, I am the new Student Assistant Pastor at MUMC, a position that officially begins in mid-August. I am very excited to meet some of the members of the congregation, and to measure rooms so I can begin packing.
After preaching on Sunday I will be driving to West Virginia to chaperone and work on the Hiss Youth Group mission trip. We are participating in Camp Joy, and will be working on three different houses in the Berkely Springs area. I can't wait to get up on a ladder, and to be in mission and fellowship with these youth (two of whom are my sisters). We'll be camping in tents at Camp Harmison, and having a great time. Please keep us all in your prayers, as well as the people we are going down to help.
The following week I am actually in MD! Believe it or not, lol. I will be participating in the Baltimore County Christian Workcamp with some of the same youth. During the evenings I will lead music at Fork/Waugh's VBS. This is one of my favorite activities at Fork, and will also be one of my last. : (
Well, that takes us up through the end of July!!
I will post pics of the various trips I make when I get back.
Peace!

Exciting News!

Hello all!! I realize it has been a long time since I've written, and I promise a more in-depth entry soon. Suffice it to say, school is out, I'm almost done working at Panera, and I am trying to pack up my belongings and move back to MD.
But that isn't the exciting news.
The exciting news is that the church I sent my resume to wants to interview me!!!!
It is located right next to the seminary, and the position is Student Assistant Pastor. How wonderfully awesome would that be!?!?!
I will probably meet with the search committee on either June 1st or 2nd- hopefully I'll know soon after that.
I am still amazed at how many signs of affirmation I have received; that I am called to ministry AND to Drew Theological School.

God is good!

Love is in the air...

I've been thinking a lot lately, about a lot of things. So forgive me if this entry rambles.
One thing I've been thinking about is seasons, and what they seem to represent, especially by way of life seasons. As we enter into spring, evidence of new life abounds. Trees are budding, jonquils are pushing up through the soil, birds are beginning to sing in the morning. Soon there will be ducklings and goslings waddling around campus. Spring undoubtedly represents new life, new beginnings.
If spring is birth, summer is adolescence. Sleeping in late, staying up late, a time for friendships and romance that can be as fleeting as the lights of fireflies we once chased as children. All too soon, summer ends; the air gets colder, days grow shorter, and we grow older. Autumn comes, and with that adulthood. A time of transition and of seasoning. A time of harvest; it is during this season in our lives that we recognize the gifts, the fruits, that we each have, and we cultivate and share them with our surrounding community, maybe even the world. A time filled with great thanksgiving, but also sorrows, as winter steadily creeps in, bringing with it cold and darkness.
And then winter is full upon us; almost all greenery fades, trees become barren, just as our bodies wither and become mutations of what they once were. But with us, with our human bodies, there is no spring. There is no time of rebirth. Only death.
Unless you believe in Christ, and the resurrection. Then you can believe that, at some point, our bodies will once again be restored, and that we will have eternal life in the kingdom of God.
Seasons-wise, we know that spring comes. And with spring new birth. But in order to have new birth...well, let's just say creatures become "twitterpated". There were two birds the other day that were so twitterpated they nearly flew into me! Hormones abound- in ALL animals. Including humans. When is it merely hormones though, and when is it "love"?
I have to admit, I have become increasingly cynical about this concept of love. So cynical, in fact, that I openly scoffed at the notion when presented in a class. We were doing a role-playing exercise: I was a campus minister, and another classmate was a student. The scenario was that she (the student) came to me for advice about having pre-marital sex with her boyfriend. Because we are reading a book making a case for chastity, I was supposed to give her constructive instruction that would convince her to remain chaste. When I asked her why she felt that now was a good time to have sex with her boyfriend, she remarked "Because we're in love". I snorted. Like, choked on a sarcastic laugh snorted. I then had to apologize, and struggle through the role-playing.
After class I explained to my professor how I struggled with the concept of love, largely due to past experiences.
I think, however, that I need to amend my statements about not believing in love. I am still skeptical about twitterpated love. I still find it difficult to believe that when a man says he loves me, that he isn't merely saying it for some ulterior motive.
But then I saw love.
I saw love in two married co-workers when he made sure his wife got lunch, even if it meant putting off work "stuff".
I saw love when my room-mate's boyfriend jumped to his feet to get her coffee in the morning, when all she did was say she was tired.
I saw love as they cuddled and teased and simply enjoyed each other's presence.

And then I began thinking.

I have felt and experienced love.
Love was when my boyfriend bought me a trashcan that the dog couldn't break into.
Love was driving for more hours than would actually be spend with me, but still doing it.
Love was taking me away for a day, or a weekend, from all the stresses of school and work.

I don't know when, and I don't know from who, but I have hope that, despite everything, I will open myself enough for love to creep in.

Italy

Oh my goodness!
I leave for Italy for this afternoon. In about 12 hours my plane will be taking off and I will be on my way. I love take off- I always get really really excited, when the plane starts taxiing down the runway, and the pressure you feel as it begins its ascent...it's so amazing. And landing! I actually enjoy landing. I wonder if I have a window seat...
Anyway-
I wish I could stick all of you in my suitcase and take you with me! But sadly, I don't have enough suitcases. And to just choose one wouldn't be fair. Sorry.
When I come back I will definitely be posting pictures and excerpts from my travel journal. Who knows, I may even by able to post something over there. ;)
Ciao!

Procrastinating...

I am procrastinating. I seem to have been doing that a lot lately, which is not good because not only is it mid-term week, but I leave for Italy on Sunday. In three days. Now ask me how much packing I have gotten done:
NONE!!!
The good news is, all of my mid-terms are done, I have only one more paper to write, and then an organ lesson and choir concert before I can focus solely on Italy. *sigh*
It will be good to get away, even though it really won't be a "break", considering that I am traveling with school and performing at least one concert every day. I think I will be more tired when I come back than I am now!
Life has been complicated and confusing lately- a bit of a roller coaster to be honest. I feel like I have made irreparable mistakes this week that I may not have made at another time. I wish there were ways to unsay things, but unfortunately there aren't.
I am so tired---
I needed to write an essay tonight, but there is no way I can focus long enough to complete it. I started it....two hours ago. Here is what I have so far:
Mid-Term Essay.
Yeah, I think it's time to go to bed.

This has been the most meaningless blog posting ever, but I wanted to write something before I left.

"African Narrative"

This is another assignment for my Christian Discipleship class. After briefly studying Sub-Saharan African culture and Christianity in Africa, we were asked to put ourselves in the shoes of a native African and describe our first encounter with the Gospel.
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The hot sun beat down upon my head as I walked back to town, the Word of God in hand. The Word of God- that’s what they had said this was. The dust rises around my feet as thoughts swirl through my mind. How could this possibly be the word of God? How could something so wonderful, so powerful, be contained in such an unassuming form; paper bound by paper. I flip through the book, but cannot understand anything that is written. I know they are letters, printed in black and red on the onion skin paper, but I cannot read them. I was never able to go to school; there were too many things to take care of at home. My thoughts wandered to what awaited me at our hut. My younger brothers would be hungry, my sister’s baby would need to be fed…there might be enough food for them. My stomach grumbles but I pay it no mind; I’m used to being hungry. After a while, you barely notice the hunger pangs. I glance again at the book; maybe Adom will read the word of God to me.
While my brothers ate I went to find Adom. He was sitting outside of his parent’s hut, carving a piece of wood. “Hello Sisi. How are you today?” I hold the book out to him. “Can you read this to me?” He takes it from my hand and leafs through the pages, pursing his lips. “Where did you get this?” “From the missionaries.” He flips through it silently for a while before answering. “What do you want to hear?” I shrug my shoulders. I do not know to pick. He scans several pages before beginning to read. “When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying, ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven…..”
I listened to Adom read for a long time, trying to understand what the book was saying. I do not understand how I am blessed. How can my brothers’ hunger, my sister’s illness, be considered a blessing? How can I be pure in heart? Don’t I already see God? The Creator is everywhere, is present in everything. I don’t understand how I can be salt. I had always heard that Jesus was a great teacher, but now I wonder if his students were just as confused as I am. Maybe they could understand because they went to school…
I understand about sin, and about what is right and wrong. But now I am confused; what Adom says Jesus says is that we should let our enemies do bad things to us. To not give “an eye for eye” but instead to “turn the other cheek.” That isn’t how the Christians I know act. They fight back! I have heard of the fighting that is going on, between Muslims and Christians. The Christians are not turning the other cheek.
Adom asks me if he should keep reading. I feel bad, because he has tried to help me and I am disappointed. “Keep reading please,” I ask, hoping that the word of God will say something I can understand so that I can leave satisfied. Now he reads of forgiveness. Does this go along with turning the other cheek? Or is it more? I wish Jesus explained things more simply. Finally, Adom reads something that I can hold onto.
“Do not worry…” I wish I could not worry. I wish I did not have to wonder if I could feed my brothers, or if there will be enough water, or if my sister will live much longer. But, if this god takes care of the animals and plants, then surely he will take care of me? Even if I do not fully understand, Jesus says that God will provide for me. “So do not worry about tomorrow,” Adom concludes, “for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” He closes the book and hands it back to me. “Do not worry Sisi, you do not need to figure it out all at once.” “Thank you Adom.”
I turn and head back to my hut; my brothers are playing in mud, and my sister’s baby is crying. I tie her to my back while I do my chores, all the while thinking. I don’t need to worry, God will take care of me. Forgive others, turn the other cheek. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst…Jesus was talking about us. About my people, the African people. Adom is right; I don’t need to figure things out right away. But perhaps with Adom’s help, and the word of God, and the missionaries, I can understand.

Christianity

My first assignment in Christian Discipleship (a class I am taking this semester) was to attempt to describe Christianity and what it means to me. This is what I came up with, after having been awake for about 17 hours.

Describing Christianity is both very easy and very difficult. I say it’s simple because there are some key factors that are universal to the Church as a whole, while it becomes much more difficult when describing specific denominations and then going even further into personal theology.
If asked to describe Christianity at its most basic level, I would begin by saying that it is based on the life and teachings of Jesus the Christ as found in the New Testament. Christians believe that Jesus is the Son of God, sent to this earth to build the kingdom of heaven. Through his crucifixion and resurrection those who accept him as their Savior shall have eternal life. Pretty simple; believe in Jesus, and you’re a Christian. Then things get a little tricky.
Divisions within the Church itself provide a plethora of material to be discussed when describing Christianity. First you can establish if you are a part of the Roman Catholic church, the Protestant churches, or of the Orthodox tradition. If Orthodox, are you Russian Orthodox? Greek Orthodox? If Protestant, which denomination? Is it a liturgical church setting, or congregational? Progressive or fundamentalist? Is the Bible taken literally, or contextually? Is there more focus on personal piety or social concerns? This is just a sampling of the many diversities between denominations alone. Now take into account that every congregation is unique, varying in size, worship style, average age of members, location, political makeup of the area….the list goes on and on. I could probably use all five hundred words listing the various contrasting styles and theologies of denominations- but that wasn’t the assignment.
For me, Christianity, what it means to be a Christian, has many components, all of which are important. First off, for me, Christianity is a way of life. While I understand that for many people sitting in a pew on Sunday and taking communion once a month is as deeply committed as they want to be, I think being a Christian is so much more. As Christians, we are called to live in a Christ-like way- to not only read, but to follow and live the lessons Christ shared with the people while here on earth. As I Christian, I try my best to practice “radical acceptance” of others, to be as non-judgmental as I can be, and to minister to those in both the immediate community and on a global level. A personal relationship with God is very important, but so are the relationships formed with a faith community. Service to others is crucial (in my opinion). We are called to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, heal the sick…we cannot do that by sitting on a pew. In worship services we are given the wonderful opportunity to teach, learn, stretch our minds and personal beliefs, and to equip ourselves with the tools to GO OUT and serve the world in a Christ-like manner.
Jesus was a radical teacher, and as his followers we should be the same. We should be enacting social change and building the kingdom here on earth in practical ways, educating others on what it means to be Christian, and focusing on the church of the future. For me, personally, Jesus is not “Mr. Roger’s in sandals”, he is not my boyfriend, I even have trouble saying he is the “lover of my soul” as some songs state. He is my teacher, leader, and Savior. A man that put down the system, rebuked the leaders of the time, and took care of those who had no voice. As his followers, we should do some of the same.**but, in a peaceful, non-violent manner, of course.

Eavesdropping...

I was eating my "lunch" today at Panera (I say "lunch" because it was, in actuality, 10am, therefor really being more of a breakfast/brunch meal) when I began listening to a conversation between two customers at the table right next to me. I don't normally eavesdrop, but the topic of discussion interested me, and I KNOW they knew I could hear them.
Anyway.
Several Bible study groups meet there on Saturday mornings, and these two men were discussing Exodus. Specifically the final plague in which God kills all the Egyptian firstborns. They began talking about sacrifice- something about how this was the first mention of sacrifice, which is totally not true...I really struggle with this part of the Hebrew Bible, and it was all I could do to not jump into their conversation with my own views. The part that REALLY got me was when they began discussing the blood on the lintels and doorposts. "It's the first symbol of the cross!" Sacrifice, "cross"like markings, all this leading to Christ....
There is a difference!
Why do people feel the need to link every possible- thing!- in the Bible to the crucifixion and/or Christ!? The Exodus out of Egypt happened thousands of years before Christ, the story was recorded for a completely different audience, even the portrayal of God is different. Why can't we see these books in a way that they were intended- try to understand them contextually?
Personally, I see no connection between the slaughter of (some) innocents and the personal sacrifice that Jesus chose to accept. The key word is "chose". The Egyptians had no choice- they were under Pharaoh's rule, he called all the shots. They had no way of knowing what was coming, of the suffering that would occur. Jesus knew what was going to happen; he knew and accepted it, had time to struggle with and come to terms with it. The two incidences cannot be compared to each other.
And if we begin thinking every horizontal and vertical line that intersects suggests the crucifixion...
I don't want to seem close-minded, I really do try to be open-minded and to accept what people believe. And I know that, in the upcoming years, I will need to be even more welcoming of other's opinions and beliefs. I don't know why this conversation riled me up.
Guess it all goes to show-
you shouldn't listen in on other people's conversations.

Out with the old?

After looking back and realizing that I have not posted anything in quite a while, I thought I would take this time (while I am unable to sleep!) to do what most people are doing tonight; reflecting on the past year, and what lies ahead.
2008 was an interesting year; parts of it were wonderful, while other parts were a real struggle. But that's the old, and we're supposed to move on to the new, right?
So 2009, here I come.
I really am very excited about this upcoming year; there will be so many changes, so many adventures to be had...I love adventures. : ) Humor me, as I list a few of the "new" things this year will bring (I am a list fanatic- I love lists).
-practicum with DeLyn in music and worship and stuff
-senior recital
-going to Italy
-graduating from an undergraduate university
-doing mission work in Honduras
-going to seminary!!!

Things I am not necessarily excited about but that can't be avoided:
-six months of counseling (because I "failed" my psychological...if I wasn't stressed before, I certainly am now!)
-leaving Fork
-taxes

I know I keep referring to this phrase, but I have to say it again: "Out with the old, in with the new." I am finding that I don't agree with this. A part of me desperately wants to be able to just throw away any and all painful or embarrassing memories- and yet, we need these. They help shape who we are, provide learning opportunities about ourselves and others, and sometimes give a new perspective (<- this may not be the right word- I'm also very tired) on things. For example, my first college experience. When I left Peabody, I was miserable! It was a struggle to get out of bed in the morning in order to go to class. From there I bounced around, with less than satisfactory college experiences, until I came to Shenandoah. I can only describe coming to Shenandoah as coming home; for the first time, out of all the schools I had "tried on," I felt like I belonged. Would it really have been so special, would I really have been so in tune to that feeling, if I hadn't first experienced all those negative feelings at other schools? I don't think so. And I don't regret attending all those schools- looking back I can clearly see a journey in my leading up to my call today.
I think this applies to all parts of our lives. Take our "love" lives. It's cliche, but is true; there is something to be learned from every relationship. All too often, it seems lessons learned come from the school of hard knocks, learned the hard way. Sometimes it isn't until after we have healed that we can step back, and look back, to see what we can take from that experience. But sometimes, even after we think we've healed, those old hurts will come out of nowhere to bite you in the butt. Even without that, sometimes in looking back we are able to see recurring themes. Maybe it's how we do (or don't) communicate, or how we react to a specific thing no matter the person we're with. Maybe it's not a thing, per say, but an actual person, that keeps popping in and out of your life.
This may just be rambling, but my point, in all of this, is that it's important to remember. All too often people tell you to forget- but I don't want to. I don't want to forget the lessons I've learned, or the people that have touched my life, or the things, both good AND bad, that have shaped me into the person that I am today.
I look forward to 2009- I think, and pray, that it brings a lot of positive change for me.

And that's all I have to say about that.