Exciting News!

Hello all!! I realize it has been a long time since I've written, and I promise a more in-depth entry soon. Suffice it to say, school is out, I'm almost done working at Panera, and I am trying to pack up my belongings and move back to MD.
But that isn't the exciting news.
The exciting news is that the church I sent my resume to wants to interview me!!!!
It is located right next to the seminary, and the position is Student Assistant Pastor. How wonderfully awesome would that be!?!?!
I will probably meet with the search committee on either June 1st or 2nd- hopefully I'll know soon after that.
I am still amazed at how many signs of affirmation I have received; that I am called to ministry AND to Drew Theological School.

God is good!

Love is in the air...

I've been thinking a lot lately, about a lot of things. So forgive me if this entry rambles.
One thing I've been thinking about is seasons, and what they seem to represent, especially by way of life seasons. As we enter into spring, evidence of new life abounds. Trees are budding, jonquils are pushing up through the soil, birds are beginning to sing in the morning. Soon there will be ducklings and goslings waddling around campus. Spring undoubtedly represents new life, new beginnings.
If spring is birth, summer is adolescence. Sleeping in late, staying up late, a time for friendships and romance that can be as fleeting as the lights of fireflies we once chased as children. All too soon, summer ends; the air gets colder, days grow shorter, and we grow older. Autumn comes, and with that adulthood. A time of transition and of seasoning. A time of harvest; it is during this season in our lives that we recognize the gifts, the fruits, that we each have, and we cultivate and share them with our surrounding community, maybe even the world. A time filled with great thanksgiving, but also sorrows, as winter steadily creeps in, bringing with it cold and darkness.
And then winter is full upon us; almost all greenery fades, trees become barren, just as our bodies wither and become mutations of what they once were. But with us, with our human bodies, there is no spring. There is no time of rebirth. Only death.
Unless you believe in Christ, and the resurrection. Then you can believe that, at some point, our bodies will once again be restored, and that we will have eternal life in the kingdom of God.
Seasons-wise, we know that spring comes. And with spring new birth. But in order to have new birth...well, let's just say creatures become "twitterpated". There were two birds the other day that were so twitterpated they nearly flew into me! Hormones abound- in ALL animals. Including humans. When is it merely hormones though, and when is it "love"?
I have to admit, I have become increasingly cynical about this concept of love. So cynical, in fact, that I openly scoffed at the notion when presented in a class. We were doing a role-playing exercise: I was a campus minister, and another classmate was a student. The scenario was that she (the student) came to me for advice about having pre-marital sex with her boyfriend. Because we are reading a book making a case for chastity, I was supposed to give her constructive instruction that would convince her to remain chaste. When I asked her why she felt that now was a good time to have sex with her boyfriend, she remarked "Because we're in love". I snorted. Like, choked on a sarcastic laugh snorted. I then had to apologize, and struggle through the role-playing.
After class I explained to my professor how I struggled with the concept of love, largely due to past experiences.
I think, however, that I need to amend my statements about not believing in love. I am still skeptical about twitterpated love. I still find it difficult to believe that when a man says he loves me, that he isn't merely saying it for some ulterior motive.
But then I saw love.
I saw love in two married co-workers when he made sure his wife got lunch, even if it meant putting off work "stuff".
I saw love when my room-mate's boyfriend jumped to his feet to get her coffee in the morning, when all she did was say she was tired.
I saw love as they cuddled and teased and simply enjoyed each other's presence.

And then I began thinking.

I have felt and experienced love.
Love was when my boyfriend bought me a trashcan that the dog couldn't break into.
Love was driving for more hours than would actually be spend with me, but still doing it.
Love was taking me away for a day, or a weekend, from all the stresses of school and work.

I don't know when, and I don't know from who, but I have hope that, despite everything, I will open myself enough for love to creep in.

Italy

Oh my goodness!
I leave for Italy for this afternoon. In about 12 hours my plane will be taking off and I will be on my way. I love take off- I always get really really excited, when the plane starts taxiing down the runway, and the pressure you feel as it begins its ascent...it's so amazing. And landing! I actually enjoy landing. I wonder if I have a window seat...
Anyway-
I wish I could stick all of you in my suitcase and take you with me! But sadly, I don't have enough suitcases. And to just choose one wouldn't be fair. Sorry.
When I come back I will definitely be posting pictures and excerpts from my travel journal. Who knows, I may even by able to post something over there. ;)
Ciao!

Procrastinating...

I am procrastinating. I seem to have been doing that a lot lately, which is not good because not only is it mid-term week, but I leave for Italy on Sunday. In three days. Now ask me how much packing I have gotten done:
NONE!!!
The good news is, all of my mid-terms are done, I have only one more paper to write, and then an organ lesson and choir concert before I can focus solely on Italy. *sigh*
It will be good to get away, even though it really won't be a "break", considering that I am traveling with school and performing at least one concert every day. I think I will be more tired when I come back than I am now!
Life has been complicated and confusing lately- a bit of a roller coaster to be honest. I feel like I have made irreparable mistakes this week that I may not have made at another time. I wish there were ways to unsay things, but unfortunately there aren't.
I am so tired---
I needed to write an essay tonight, but there is no way I can focus long enough to complete it. I started it....two hours ago. Here is what I have so far:
Mid-Term Essay.
Yeah, I think it's time to go to bed.

This has been the most meaningless blog posting ever, but I wanted to write something before I left.

"African Narrative"

This is another assignment for my Christian Discipleship class. After briefly studying Sub-Saharan African culture and Christianity in Africa, we were asked to put ourselves in the shoes of a native African and describe our first encounter with the Gospel.
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The hot sun beat down upon my head as I walked back to town, the Word of God in hand. The Word of God- that’s what they had said this was. The dust rises around my feet as thoughts swirl through my mind. How could this possibly be the word of God? How could something so wonderful, so powerful, be contained in such an unassuming form; paper bound by paper. I flip through the book, but cannot understand anything that is written. I know they are letters, printed in black and red on the onion skin paper, but I cannot read them. I was never able to go to school; there were too many things to take care of at home. My thoughts wandered to what awaited me at our hut. My younger brothers would be hungry, my sister’s baby would need to be fed…there might be enough food for them. My stomach grumbles but I pay it no mind; I’m used to being hungry. After a while, you barely notice the hunger pangs. I glance again at the book; maybe Adom will read the word of God to me.
While my brothers ate I went to find Adom. He was sitting outside of his parent’s hut, carving a piece of wood. “Hello Sisi. How are you today?” I hold the book out to him. “Can you read this to me?” He takes it from my hand and leafs through the pages, pursing his lips. “Where did you get this?” “From the missionaries.” He flips through it silently for a while before answering. “What do you want to hear?” I shrug my shoulders. I do not know to pick. He scans several pages before beginning to read. “When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his disciples came to him. Then he began to speak, and taught them, saying, ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven…..”
I listened to Adom read for a long time, trying to understand what the book was saying. I do not understand how I am blessed. How can my brothers’ hunger, my sister’s illness, be considered a blessing? How can I be pure in heart? Don’t I already see God? The Creator is everywhere, is present in everything. I don’t understand how I can be salt. I had always heard that Jesus was a great teacher, but now I wonder if his students were just as confused as I am. Maybe they could understand because they went to school…
I understand about sin, and about what is right and wrong. But now I am confused; what Adom says Jesus says is that we should let our enemies do bad things to us. To not give “an eye for eye” but instead to “turn the other cheek.” That isn’t how the Christians I know act. They fight back! I have heard of the fighting that is going on, between Muslims and Christians. The Christians are not turning the other cheek.
Adom asks me if he should keep reading. I feel bad, because he has tried to help me and I am disappointed. “Keep reading please,” I ask, hoping that the word of God will say something I can understand so that I can leave satisfied. Now he reads of forgiveness. Does this go along with turning the other cheek? Or is it more? I wish Jesus explained things more simply. Finally, Adom reads something that I can hold onto.
“Do not worry…” I wish I could not worry. I wish I did not have to wonder if I could feed my brothers, or if there will be enough water, or if my sister will live much longer. But, if this god takes care of the animals and plants, then surely he will take care of me? Even if I do not fully understand, Jesus says that God will provide for me. “So do not worry about tomorrow,” Adom concludes, “for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” He closes the book and hands it back to me. “Do not worry Sisi, you do not need to figure it out all at once.” “Thank you Adom.”
I turn and head back to my hut; my brothers are playing in mud, and my sister’s baby is crying. I tie her to my back while I do my chores, all the while thinking. I don’t need to worry, God will take care of me. Forgive others, turn the other cheek. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst…Jesus was talking about us. About my people, the African people. Adom is right; I don’t need to figure things out right away. But perhaps with Adom’s help, and the word of God, and the missionaries, I can understand.

Christianity

My first assignment in Christian Discipleship (a class I am taking this semester) was to attempt to describe Christianity and what it means to me. This is what I came up with, after having been awake for about 17 hours.

Describing Christianity is both very easy and very difficult. I say it’s simple because there are some key factors that are universal to the Church as a whole, while it becomes much more difficult when describing specific denominations and then going even further into personal theology.
If asked to describe Christianity at its most basic level, I would begin by saying that it is based on the life and teachings of Jesus the Christ as found in the New Testament. Christians believe that Jesus is the Son of God, sent to this earth to build the kingdom of heaven. Through his crucifixion and resurrection those who accept him as their Savior shall have eternal life. Pretty simple; believe in Jesus, and you’re a Christian. Then things get a little tricky.
Divisions within the Church itself provide a plethora of material to be discussed when describing Christianity. First you can establish if you are a part of the Roman Catholic church, the Protestant churches, or of the Orthodox tradition. If Orthodox, are you Russian Orthodox? Greek Orthodox? If Protestant, which denomination? Is it a liturgical church setting, or congregational? Progressive or fundamentalist? Is the Bible taken literally, or contextually? Is there more focus on personal piety or social concerns? This is just a sampling of the many diversities between denominations alone. Now take into account that every congregation is unique, varying in size, worship style, average age of members, location, political makeup of the area….the list goes on and on. I could probably use all five hundred words listing the various contrasting styles and theologies of denominations- but that wasn’t the assignment.
For me, Christianity, what it means to be a Christian, has many components, all of which are important. First off, for me, Christianity is a way of life. While I understand that for many people sitting in a pew on Sunday and taking communion once a month is as deeply committed as they want to be, I think being a Christian is so much more. As Christians, we are called to live in a Christ-like way- to not only read, but to follow and live the lessons Christ shared with the people while here on earth. As I Christian, I try my best to practice “radical acceptance” of others, to be as non-judgmental as I can be, and to minister to those in both the immediate community and on a global level. A personal relationship with God is very important, but so are the relationships formed with a faith community. Service to others is crucial (in my opinion). We are called to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, heal the sick…we cannot do that by sitting on a pew. In worship services we are given the wonderful opportunity to teach, learn, stretch our minds and personal beliefs, and to equip ourselves with the tools to GO OUT and serve the world in a Christ-like manner.
Jesus was a radical teacher, and as his followers we should be the same. We should be enacting social change and building the kingdom here on earth in practical ways, educating others on what it means to be Christian, and focusing on the church of the future. For me, personally, Jesus is not “Mr. Roger’s in sandals”, he is not my boyfriend, I even have trouble saying he is the “lover of my soul” as some songs state. He is my teacher, leader, and Savior. A man that put down the system, rebuked the leaders of the time, and took care of those who had no voice. As his followers, we should do some of the same.**but, in a peaceful, non-violent manner, of course.

Eavesdropping...

I was eating my "lunch" today at Panera (I say "lunch" because it was, in actuality, 10am, therefor really being more of a breakfast/brunch meal) when I began listening to a conversation between two customers at the table right next to me. I don't normally eavesdrop, but the topic of discussion interested me, and I KNOW they knew I could hear them.
Anyway.
Several Bible study groups meet there on Saturday mornings, and these two men were discussing Exodus. Specifically the final plague in which God kills all the Egyptian firstborns. They began talking about sacrifice- something about how this was the first mention of sacrifice, which is totally not true...I really struggle with this part of the Hebrew Bible, and it was all I could do to not jump into their conversation with my own views. The part that REALLY got me was when they began discussing the blood on the lintels and doorposts. "It's the first symbol of the cross!" Sacrifice, "cross"like markings, all this leading to Christ....
There is a difference!
Why do people feel the need to link every possible- thing!- in the Bible to the crucifixion and/or Christ!? The Exodus out of Egypt happened thousands of years before Christ, the story was recorded for a completely different audience, even the portrayal of God is different. Why can't we see these books in a way that they were intended- try to understand them contextually?
Personally, I see no connection between the slaughter of (some) innocents and the personal sacrifice that Jesus chose to accept. The key word is "chose". The Egyptians had no choice- they were under Pharaoh's rule, he called all the shots. They had no way of knowing what was coming, of the suffering that would occur. Jesus knew what was going to happen; he knew and accepted it, had time to struggle with and come to terms with it. The two incidences cannot be compared to each other.
And if we begin thinking every horizontal and vertical line that intersects suggests the crucifixion...
I don't want to seem close-minded, I really do try to be open-minded and to accept what people believe. And I know that, in the upcoming years, I will need to be even more welcoming of other's opinions and beliefs. I don't know why this conversation riled me up.
Guess it all goes to show-
you shouldn't listen in on other people's conversations.